My Son Where Did I Go Wrong? (Must Read)

By K Jinadu
I was baffled when some Nigerians complained including my hubby being my number one critic about the mode in which the British tabloids reported Michael Adebowale’s terrorist act Using headline such as
(Nigerian Boko Haram islamist barbarism in the middle of London)

(Woolwich attackers were British of Nigerian origin,)

Using the word 'Nigeria' as part of the headlines is controversial. One must agree that everybody including organisations, conglomerates, countries would like to associate with good character, celebrities, great achievements and prestigious name.

Back in the days in Nigeria One of my neighbours down the road from where I lived has three children. He is popularly known and called (change name to hide identity) Baba Jide, his wife is known as Mama Seun .  Jide is their first child so it's norm that friends and family would call him by his first child’s name which I believe is part of the culture.  

The other two children’s names are Dapo and Seun; Jide was notorious and he always gets into trouble, Dapo is the smart, intelligent child, well-mannered and also possess a good behaviour. Lastly Seun is very quiet and easy going.

There are times the police would come around looking for Jide because he has committed an offence.  When Jide is in trouble Baba Jide will immediately denounce the wife; at that moment he refused to be call Baba Jide and he will not answer to that name.  The tone and his use of language would change from our son to “your son has committed a crime; he will never change, like mother like son”

The wife would always ignore then he will shout “Mama Jide didn’t you hear me? Are you deaf?”

You can imagine; not only did Baba Jide refuse to associate with the name Jide but put all the blame on his wife, call her Mama Jide instead of the usual Mama Seun.  Though one can argue that Jide is both their son so she can also be called Mama Jide but my point is the situation and the time he always chose to call Mama Jide is when Jide was in trouble. 

To disown one’s child at the time of trouble says a lot about associating and dis-associating with the good, bad and the ugly.  Though not all parents would act in such manner but this is just a short story to illustrate my point that if a father can dis-associate himself due to his son’s crime, then what attitude do you expect of a country to a citizen by birth (which Michael Adebowale is) not even by root or origin?

This is not to condone or deny the British tabloid’s tone of reports but to look at both sides of the coin and not just to focus on one side; also for every Nigerian parent to look beyond news reports and concentrate on how to tackle this catastrophe.

I will like to clarify the definition of the word terrorist which I chose to reference in this article.

The word terrorist can be controversial since one person's terrorist may be another's "freedom fighter", and vice versa depending on somebody's personal ideology of belief. 

The terrorist in this article I like to call despotic extremist because they communicate through oppressive means, impose their views on people, seek attention through intimidation and coerce violence.

These extremist could use any ideology to fight their cause or fight in the name of religion which could be Christian, Muslim, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Candomble, Judaism, Rastafarian, etc.

There are extremists in all religion but some are more active and evident globally in today’s world that we live in than the others.

So please note my article is not against any religion but about the cruelty factions, as stated above my so called despotic extreme groups.

One can argue that the people these extremist recruit or initiate to carry out the vicious act of killing, maiming, and hurting individuals using explosives, machete etc are also victims.  Michael Adebolajo and Michael Adebowale are both Nigeria descendant though British born, these recent convicted terrorist are also victims; so is Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab another Nigeria bomber not British born though.

They are victims of dilemma, victims of ignorance, deception, persuasion, calculated and gradual premeditated coercion.

Nigerians cannot deny their root even if one is born abroad.

I believe it is imperative for the terrorist origin to be revealed to enable not only the intelligence, Nigerians, especially male parent, (will eventually include female parent because a female bomber was discover in Kenya, another lady was recently sentence to jail (Jihad Jane) but will focus on male parents since 96% of the terrorist are male), government, officials and people in authority to be able to evaluate, assess, figure out the source and cause of the problem.  

Also to decipher which location and continent they need to extend their search to eradicate terrorist; and to know which race and country the terrorist are prying on to pick their next victim. This should be the priority.

I notice from the series of recent terrorist act, that the extremist also put into consideration the race and origin of where their next prey would come from before they choose and make a move. The recent ones over the past 3 years seem to be Nigerian or a descendant of Nigeria.  In some part of West Africa is the Boko Haram group (Islamic Extreme group against modern education) which are perpetually active and stationed in Nigeria. 

It’s no coincidence; this is alarming people in the diaspora are not paying much attention as they are supposed to, they just talk about the subject as one of those things that are bound to happen.

Not in my dreams or wildest imagination would I believe some Nigerians will dabble into terrorism, After Abdulmutallab's tragedy I did not realise there is more shocking news to be revealed. 

I remember Lateef Adegbite, Secretary General of Nigeria's Supreme Council for Islamic Affair, condemned the attack and said: "We are embarrassed by this incident and we strongly condemn the alleged action by this young man. We do not think that there is any organised Islamic group in Nigeria that is inclined to such a criminal and violent act. We condemn such an extreme viewpoint and action”.

 

I guess he did not know, so is many Nigerians the imminent atrocity that is about to befall the northern part of a blessed country Nigeria.

As the saying goes, there is fire on the mountain, AFRICAN BLACK YOUNG BOYS SEEMS TO BE THE TARGET, NIGERIAN TO BE SPECIFIC.  

One can’t help but to question how the terrorist manage to convince and lure the innocent men into carrying out these ruthless atrocities.

I want to believe it’s through talking, brainwashing, promising everlasting pleasure in heaven, such as having seven virgin wives in paradise, a life full of extravagance and opulence after death.

Brainwashing is the attempt to change the thoughts and beliefs of another person against their will, this is a key tactic the extremist use all the time; but its subtle, gradual, consistent and nicely sugar and honey coated to lure and attract their chosen victim over.  The act of brainwashing seems to work so well, even when the Woolwich attackers were sentence recently (If you missed this read it here) it was alarming, sad and shocking to read that they were not in anyway sober.  Adebolajo was carried out of the court room by about nine hefty police men half way through the verdict; due to his consistent act of disruption, throwing tantrums and shouting.  This shows lack of remorse, thought being in solitary confinement would have given them enough time to reflect and realised they've chosen the wrong path.  This is just to illustrate the power of brainwashing.   

Start brainwashing your child especially your male child; One must define and state clearly the type of brainwashing parent should give children; you can call it home training or discipline (permit me to borrow and use the word brainwashing, I prefer to use this word because it works though negatively for the extremist) in this context. It is changing negative influence or beliefs into positive.  Introducing and educating teenage children on how destructive and harmful the extremist are, not just to one’s child but firstly to the family, friends, school, place of worship and to the whole nation.  

Mockery, shame and embarrassment will be brought upon the convicted extremist families; they would be picked on, attack and brutally harass.  The families of Adebowale and Adebolajo would be force to relocate or they might request for maximum protection, change of surname/family name in my opinion is mandatory to conceal their identity.

Recently in the United Kingdom police crime report has significantly risen; innocent Islamic believers were consistently attacked because of their religion, also in retaliation of Lee Rigby’s death carried out by the two Michaels (Woolwich attack).

These people are not family but practise the same religion as the convicted extremist, you can imagine what will happen to the Adebowale and Adebolajo’s families if they are not protected.  Both families are not at fault but are indirectly and inevitably part of the punishment that comes with the crime outside judicial system just because of their relationship to the offenders and also the family name they share.

The extremist motives for picking on a particular race, religion and origin is to divide, separates, creates hostilities, incite war and propaganda.  Also it’s crucial to teach the teenagers on the avoidance of destructive group initiation and bad peer or group influence. Parent should start brainwashing, I would suggest you start as soon as they reach the teenage age, the despotic extremist catch them young, they start recruiting as early as 14 years old according to research. Parent should start brainwashing a bit earlier than that, educate and show them love because knowledge is power and so they don’t go about seeking attention or affection in precarious places.   

There is so much the government can do parents have to be very observant, vigilant and start educating children of certain age (13 year and above I would suggest) on the subject of terrorism/extremist.  

Knowledge is power, it gives children the ability to make better decisions, to not fall into deception and to know better.

There are certain signs or attitude one must look out for in teenage children that could alert parent, below is a few 

1.       Children becomes extremely rebellious

2.       They isolate themselves

3.       Would prefer to spend their school breaks or holiday elsewhere apart from home, if in college or university

4.       They begin to complain and see everything wrong with the usual norm in the house

5.       Can’t and won’t be bothered to ask parent for money

6.       They sometimes come home with large amount of money or buy expensive things student usually can’t afford. (In October 2009 according to report, Abdulmutallab sent his father a text message in which he said that he was no longer interested in pursuing an MBA in Dubai, and wanted to study sharia and Arabic in a seven-year course in Yemen. When his father threatened to cut off his funding, Abdulmutallab said he was “already getting everything for free”. When his father asked who would sponsor him, Abdulmutallab replied "That's none of your business.) It shows the extremist are financially a cheerful giver, quite generous.

7.       Staying out very late; at this time of the night initiators can be more inconspicuous.

No child is immune to the extremist initiation, even when they are raised in a good Christian, Muslim, religion etc home.  

I wrote this article out of fear, the fear of the unknown that might be awaiting some Africa parent, don't have a male child but hope to have one day and I share that fear, though female children has it's own challenges; anyway that will be topic for another day.

The fear is that the perpetrators don’t live far or look any different; they live in our midst, maybe work at the same work place, and might also go to the same college with the teenage kids.  They live and go about their business looking for the next prey to brainwash.

They don’t live and execute their barbaric acts in specific places then exclude UK.  This is one of the difference between the Boko haram attacks in the northern part of Nigeria and the other attacks that took place in London such as the Woolwich attack.  At least if known one can avoid the area just as you would keep away from going to places like Borno, Maiduguri and Kaduna States in the Northern part of Nigeria because of its incessant attacks.

The tricky part is one cannot avoid any part of the UK no matter how small they were; because they exist and are scattered all over the place living amongst us. The only solution is to be prepared, educate and prevent Africa male children from becoming a victim.   

Knowledge and awareness of attacks and extremist or bad peer, group initiation has to be part of the teenage's education; I am aware that some schools would not teach because they consider the subject to be very sensitive while others teach anyway, it's imperative for parent to educate their children on terrorism.

 

In solitude one or both parent must have questioned themselves on if they negatively contributed to their children's dilemma.  Continuous probing question of how? When? Where? How? It all went wrong with their precious sons would inevitably and persistently reoccur in parent minds.

One can’t help but to also question if the parent has failed in raising up their children in the proper manner? If they are also a contributing factor to their son's predicament.

 

 

Thanks for taking time to read.

 

 

 

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Thanks

By K Jinadu